In the Beginning.....

In the beginning there was NaNo. And NaNo was good and covered the earth. And people around the earth dedicated the month of November to writing. And being a curious sort, I decided to try it, too. I wrote out 6 Plot lines. (very brief plot lines) This is what I chose:

A fast moving cold front takes a hot air balloonist off course and crashes him into a deep valley in an Appalachian National forest. Lost and ill equipped, the survivor learns much about himself in attempting to find his way back to civilization.

How my story came out of those two sentences is a complete mystery. It's all fiction, baby. I made it all up. The caveat: Any resemblance to people living or not, is quite coincidental. Really. I made it all up.

Let the Adventure Begin

“It was great you could meet me here in New York, CC. I’m glad we could fly to this conference together” Jenna said as she wheeled her carry-on bag through the airport.

“I’m sorry Anthony couldn’t fly with you to the conference” CC replied.
“Well, he’ll join us on Wednesday. He and I will have the rest of the week together and I can take in some of the seminars without feeling bad about leaving him alone.”

CC scratched his chin thoughtfully, “Well, then I guess I won’t feel bad about it; although meeting you here and having a guided tour of the city was a dream come true. I think every writer should visit New York at least once before they die.” As they walked along the airport concourse, CC stopped in front of a framed art poster hanging on the wall. “Look, Jenna! It’s the ‘Stories of Strength’ cover. Isn’t that exciting?”

“This whole project has been an exciting miracle, CC. Who would have thought that our little self-published book would lead to a three book deal with a major publisher? So many more writers have gotten an opportunity to contribute. This whole conference was paid for by our share of the second book so we could write the third book. Now, that’s incredible!”

“Well, you know, Jenna, the more you give away, the more you get back, so this is just a bit of what you deserve coming back to you”, CC said as they lined up to present their boarding passes.

“Oh, Charlie, everyone deserves this. All the writers and editors worked very hard to make it all happen. Besides, I seriously don’t think I could handle world domination.” As CC and Jenna boarded the plane for Asheville, they noticed a copy of ‘Stories of Strength’ peeking from the top of the book bag of the woman in front of them. They poked each other and grinned all the way to their seats.

“Do you think we should tell her? CC asked as he settled in his seat.

“Nah” Jenna replied, “Let’s tell her when we get off the plane.”

“Good thinking – no wonder you’re the chief!”

Welcome to the Inn

“Wow, would you look at this place! It’s huge.” The Grove Park Hilton rose like a fairytale castle against a mountain backdrop. A freshening breeze brought the scent of warm pine down the mountain into the parking lot.

“I don’t know, Unique. It looks awfully expensive. Maybe I should go stay on the rez with my brother, Charles.” Joanne was having second thoughts about this week long writer’s conference. She felt slightly guilty about a week away from home but Two Feather insisted that she deserved this time away to relax with her friends and work on her writing. She shuddered to herself and sighed.

“Nothing doing girlfriend”, Unique said. "No sad sighs from you. This week is paid for. I told you I’ve already booked a double for the whole week. I’m not leaving til the old credit card goes into nuclear meltdown and burns a hole in my pocket. Everyone’s going to be here. It’ll be a blast. You’ll see.”

Unique hopped out of the truck and swung her bag out of the back. Joanne climbed slowly out of the passenger seat and took a look around. She took a deep breath and reached toward the sky taking a moment to center herself. “Okay, Unique. I’m ready if you are.” She grabbed her suitcase out of the back of the truck and joined Unique.

The two friends walked slowly toward the entrance of the hotel while admiring the landscaping. They marveled at the well kept flower beds and the abundance of red impatiens accentuating the topiary that flanked the revolving doors.
“Look. Isn’t that Ray over there at the desk? Unique said as they stepped inside. “He’s so tall. Oh, my God, he’s so handsome. Come on, Joanne, introduce us. You know him.”

Joanne grabbed Unique’s arm. “Wait. Slow down a minute. Ray’s not like other people; you’ll scare him. Watch him a moment, you’ll see.
Unique glanced down at Joanne and back over at Ray. He was leaning against the concierge desk with an amused look on his face. His smile didn’t budge but his eyes never stopped moving as he took in the other writers and guests milling around the lobby and checking in. There was something about him that made Unique shudder. “You’re right, Joanne. He reminds me of something, something sinister. I know, he reminds me of a spider; a big old spider waiting in his web for his next meal.”

“A little melodramatic don’t you think?” Joanne said. “I mean he is all dressed in black.”
Indeed, Raymond K. Maestrowork was dressed in black from his tight turtle neck sweater and leather pants down to his highly polished calf skin boots.

“Well, maybe that’s it, Joanne.” Unique gave a little laugh, “My imagination running away again.”

“Unique!” a voice called across the lobby.

“Dawno!” Unique waved to her friend who was now striding across the lobby. She did a double take. “I can’t believe you’re wearing those socks!” She covered her mouth to suppress a grin. Dawno was famous for her argyle socks. This pair was bright blue with navy diamonds and red piping. “Please tell me you left the Birkenstocks and the mouse ears at home.”
”Well…” Dawno said.
“You didn’t.”
“Well…”
“You did! Oh, Dawno, what am I going to do with you? Give me a hug you goof.”
Dawno wrapped her arms around Unique and whispered, ‘It’s good to see you, Unique.” When she pulled away there were tears in her eyes.

“Dawno, what on earth?”

“Later; I’ll tell you later after I’ve checked in and taken my bags upstairs.’

Unique held her friend a moment longer and looked her in the eye. “Yes, later. Come with me now and meet Joanne. She was on her way to talk to Ray. That line to check in won’t get any shorter in the next ten minutes.”
When the two turned around they found Joanne standing alone. “What happened to Ray?”

Joanne shrugged. “He got a call on his cell phone and he stepped outside. He said he’d meet us at the Welcome Reception tonight. I think I’m going to go upstairs and rest a bit before dinner; do you mind, Unique?"

“No, of course not, Joanne. It’s been a long drive today and I think maybe I’ll take a nap later on, too."

“It was good to see you, Dawno. I’ll see you tonight at the reception, right?” Unique and Dawno watched Joanne head for the elevators. When the doors to the elevator closed, Unique grabbed Dawno’s arm and she tugged her friend toward the lounge to the left of the reception desk. “Come on, Dawno. We have some catching up to do.”

“But what about my luggage”, Dawno asked, “Can I just leave it there?”

“Dawno, believe me, no one is going to take off with it. Did you leave it right in the trail or is it out of the way?” Unique waved to a passing waitress. “If it’s out of the way and no one is going to trip over it, you can leave it there for a few minutes.”
“Now, what do you want to drink? My treat this time; it’s my turn to buy. Would you like a beer or a mixed drink? I’m sure they have some killer imports. How about a – oh, what do you call those things – the cranberry juice and vodka and soda jobbies? Does that sound good to you?”

“Oh, whatever you want; it’s too early for me to drink”, Dawno said as she looked around the Great Hall Bar. “This is some place. I feel like I’ve walked into a living history museum.”

When the waitress went away with their drink orders, Unique looked her friend square in the eye and said, “Spill it, Dawno. What’s got you bugged any way? I know you were happy to see me, but not so happy you’d start to cry. What’s up?”

“Oh, it’s probably nothing. I’m still upset over something I saw, well, something I overheard I should say. I had a layover in Dallas on the flight here. I ended up on the flight with William and his wife. I heard them really arguing, Unique. Not loud, but venomous. Man, I thought she was going to scratch Will’s eyes out. I mean, I’ve heard people fight before and she didn’t actually do anything but if looks could kill, he’d have been lying there like a puddle of wax. She was really mad at him over something. That, plus I hate to fly."

The waitress came back with two tall glasses and set one in front of each of them. Dawno tasted her drink and set it down. “I’ve just been so jittery and nervous ever since we took off from Dallas. If it had been some strangers arguing, I probably wouldn’t even have noticed. But they’re my friends – sort of." Dawno gestured with her hands and let them fall into her lap. She rubbed her knuckles and sighed.

” You know what I mean. I hate to think of them starting out on trip like this fighting with each other.”

“Well, you know our Will. He could try the patience of a saint when he has a mind to. You know how he is; he likes to aggravate on purpose.”

“Yeah, I know that”, said Dawno, “but don’t you think she would too? Especially after being married for so long; he must have done it to her a million times by now.”

“Well, you can’t let it bother you, Dawno. Drink up, girl. We have a reception to go to tonight and classes to go to this week. If you let William and his problems upset you to the point where you miss out on all the fun, I’ll scratch his eyes out myself. They’re probably making it up right now. So stop worrying and start enjoying your self. Finish up your drink and let’s go get you checked in. Your welcome package will have a class list in it and we can compare notes. We should take at least one class together, don’t you think?”

The Reception

“Could I have your attention, please?” The speaker was a handsome, middle aged man with just a touch of grey at the temples. He tapped a glass of water with a spoon in front of the microphone. The sound rang like a high pitched bell and echoed into the far corners of the room. All conversation slowed and then stilled as the man began to speak.

“I’d like to welcome you all to the First Annual, First Ever Absolute Write Convention, Conference, and Workshop Learning Experience. We have a great week planned for you folks. There are classes, workshops, interactive media presentations and plenty of forums in which you can participate and share your work with your fellow writers and fellow guests. We hope you make the most of your stay here, have a great time, and if there’s anything we can do to make your stay with us more comfortable and a more memorable event, please don’t hesitate to call on me or one of my staff.

Asheville is a wonderful, vibrant city, full of artists and events. Shuttle buses run throughout the day from the hotel to local attractions. A schedule was included in your welcome package; if you need any further information, please check with the concierge and we’ll be happy to find answers to any questions you might have. We hope you have fun, learn a lot, and enjoy your stay here at the Grove Park Hilton of Asheville.’

As the applause died away and the guests began to mingle again, Alan Underthecity snagged two glasses of champagne from the tray of a passing waiter and handed one to Jenna.

“This is some party, Jenna. Look at all these people.” “Do you know everyone here?” he asked.

“Well, yes and no”, Jenna replied. “I try to talk to everyone at least once on the forums, but once we passed the 3,000 mark, it got a little difficult to keep track of everyone. The mods do a great job of helping out; otherwise, I’d be lost.”

“How many people do you suppose are here?”asked Allen.

“The Services Director said 1,050 signed up for the conference. I’m not sure if she counted the instructors because they’re in a different wing. I’m glad they booked the reception in the Grand Ballroom. It looks like there could be a thousand people in here. Did you get anything to eat yet, Allen?”

“Not yet; I was looking for Ray Maestrowork. Have you seen him?”

“No, but if you look for the most beautiful woman in the room you’ll most likely find Ray”, Jenna replied.

“You’re the prettiest woman in the room tonight and I don’t see him. Maybe he hasn’t shown up yet.”

“I’m sure he’ll be here Allen, I can’t see Ray staying away from a free buffet, can you?”

Allen laughed and replied, “No, I really can’t imagine that. I imagine he’s here somewhere. I think I’ll go check out that little crowd over in the corner. If he’s not there I’ll just wander around until I find him. Is there anything I can get you before I leave?”

“No, Allen, I’m fine. CC will be back any minute from the buffet line. I think we’ll find a quiet place to sit down and eat and then I’ll join you in the wandering. I can’t wait to meet everyone.”

As Allen Underthecity approached the group in the corner, it seemed to him as if half the people were trying to edge away without being obvious and the other half was trying to inch their way closer without being obvious. When he got a little closer himself, he began to understand why. He heard the woman say,
“William Haskins, you are the most insensitive, uncaring, cruel, selfish, egotistical bas**** I’ve ever encountered!” I don’t know why I put up with you and your madness year after year.”

“Yvonne, the boy is 11 years old. He’s had a birthday party, complete with pony rides since he was old enough to sit astride a horse. One year without a party is not going to cause any permanent psychological damage, I assure you. Besides, he loves staying with your mom and dad. All your sisters and brothers will be there with their kids; he’ll have all his cousins to play with and all his aunts and uncles to make a fuss over him and spoil him. He’ll be fine.” William could tell his arguments were falling on deaf ears. His wife was in fury and he could tell this was going to be a long night.

“But William,” she pleaded, “You heard him crying on the phone. He misses us. How could you not be moved by that tear-filled voice?”

William crossed his arms and shot his wife a look. “Because he’s doing it for attention; the same way he’s been manipulating us for attention for the past 11 years. As soon as he sees all his presents and starts playing with his cousins he’ll forget all about us being gone.”

“I’m sorry that you don’t take our little boy’s happiness as seriously as I do, William. “I’m going to take the next flight home in the morning. You stay here and enjoy your conference. I’ll explain to little William that his daddy has important business keeping him from attending his birthday party”, she said sarcastically. “I’m sure he’ll understand.”

“I’m sure he’ll understand his mother catering to his every whim right up until the time he leaves for college – if he ever leaves for college. Yvonne, we’ve been over this before. Will Jr. has to learn that mom and dad have a life outside his existence. He is never going to learn that if we never deny him anything or never tell him no.”

“But William, it’s his birthday”, she pleaded, “can’t you understand his disappointment?”

“And he’ll have another birthday next year and the year after that; and what about my disappointment? I booked us the best suite in the hotel. What a waste of money that was if you’re not going to be here with me to enjoy it. I could have bunked with Ray or Bill.”

It's Tuesday, Why Does it Feel Like Monday?

“Oh, my head. What hit me last night?"

“The champagne maybe? Joanne asked looking at her roommate’s sleep tousled hair.

Unique grabbed her head with both hands and squeezed hard. “Champagne? Was I drinking champagne? I could have sworn I was drinking Johnny Walker.”

Joanne tapped a nail against her lower lip. “When I saw you last you were toasting Mac’s rewrite with Dawno and Lori. I didn’t see you after that.”

Unique groaned and squeezed her head harder. “That was right after dinner. There was a whole night’s worth of something after that. Oh, I hope I didn’t make an ass out of myself. She tried to get up and sat back down. “I think I’ll wait a bit for that.”

Joanne shook out a corduroy jumper and laid it over her arm. Picking up the rest of her clothes she headed for the bathroom. Unique eyed her curiously.
“Where are you headed off to this morning?”

“I thought I’d head down to the spa before it got too crowded. Maybe a good soak in the whirlpool will get the blood flowing to my brain. What about you? What do you have planned this morning?

Unique pulled her hands away from her face. “I signed up for the Streamlining Your Plot class. It starts at eight. What time is it? And where is Conference Room B, anyway; have you seen it?”

“Right next to Conference Room A, I would imagine. A pillow hit the bathroom door with a whump just as Joanne closed it. She called through the door, “You’ll have to be quicker than that if you want to catch up with me.”

“Don’t I know it” Unique sighed to herself. “Don’t I just know it.”


Later that morning, Unique wandered outside looking for a good place for a smoke between classes. ‘There has to be a place to sit down out here somewhere’, she said to herself. Rounding the corner of the building she walked smack into Will Haskins’ back. “Excuse me’, she said, ‘I wasn’t expecting you there. What are you doing out here?”

Will quickly hushed her. “I’m watching. Look down there; what do you see?”

“I see some people getting into a van. Why? What are you looking for?”

“Didn’t you see who that was?” he asked. Unique shook her head. “No, William, I’m sorry. It’s much too far for me to see from up here. Who was it?”

“That was my wife getting into that van with Ray and Neuro. That’s the hotel shuttle that runs back and forth to town. It takes tourists out on daytrips and back and forth to the airport. It drops them off and picks them up later and brings them back here.” Will field stripped his cigarette and pocketed the filter. He looked back over his shoulder, “You don’t get it do you?”

“Get what, Will? Maybe they went into town. Maybe they needed to get something.”

“I’m sure they’re getting something”, Will said through his teeth. “I’m certain they’re getting something.” He started to leave.

“Wait, please don’t leave yet.” She put her hand on his arm to stop him.

”I’ve seen what I needed to see, Unique.”

”Stay with me a while longer, Will; at least wait until I finish this cigarette. I enjoy your company and I so rarely get to talk to you.”

Will turned and put his hands on her shoulders. “Unique, this will never be.”

“For Christ’s sake, Will, I’m not propositioning you. I just don’t want to stay out here by myself.”

”You came out here by yourself” he reminded her.

“Okay, fine. Go on back to whatever hole it was you crawled out of then. I’ll be fine out here. Just go on.” She took another drag on her cigarette. ‘This is ridiculous’, she thought to herself as he walked away. ‘I don’t know why I let that man get to me. He’s as prickly as a cactus for all his brilliance. I should just leave him alone. He’s got friends enough.’

She bent down to rub out her cigarette in the mulch under the shrubbery. Her hand bumped into something cold. ‘Shit, what’s that?’ She bent down for a closer look and spotted a well-manicured hand; the nails tipped in carmine. She stood up feeling a little dizzy and peered over the shrubbery. A hint of navy showed through the leaves. Pulling back the branches, Unique gave a gasp.

‘Christ, it’s a body.’ She let go of the branches and took off down the hill after William. ‘I really should quit smoking’, she thought as she reached the bottom of the hill. Taking a deep breath, she pushed through the entrance doors and made for the hotel’s reception desk.

“Excuse me’, she said to the man behind the desk. “I believe there’s someone lying in the bushes in front of the hotel.’ The man gave her a curious look. “Lying in the bushes? In front of this hotel?” he asked disbelievingly, “Surely, not, madam.”

“I’m serious! Perhaps you should send someone round to have a look. The person might be ill.” The man picked up a handset and had a brief conversation. “One of the maintenance men is coming round in a moment. Where did you say this was?”

Unique pointed to the door, “Up the hill and to the left at the corner of the building behind the shrubbery.” The desk clerk picked up the phone again and spoke quickly to the person on the other end. “Everything will be taken care of madam, an ambulance has been dispatched. It should be arriving momentarily.”

A few moments later a runty little man in a utility uniform came wheezing through the revolving door. He looked curiously out of place in the hotel’s elegant lobby. With a brief nod to the clerk behind the counter, he rounded the corner of the desk and disappeared into an office. The desk clerk hurried after him. They shut the door in Unique’s face and left her standing there. Glancing up at the clock behind the counter, she realized she had just enough time to make it to her next class. With a sigh and a shrug of resignation, she left the decision of what to do with the incapacitated guest to hotel management. She didn’t like it, but she knew they would handle the situation as they saw fit regardless of what she had to say.

Coming around the corner, she saw one woman leading another out of the elevator and into one of the classrooms. She sighed and went on. Sometimes there was no point in getting involved.

Don't Faint

Stumbling down the corridor, Patti led Paint through the door of the classroom and into the closet chair. “Put your head between your knees, dear, and take deep and easy breaths. Try to relax.”

Paint groaned. Her silvery complexion looked even paler under the fluorescent lighting of the Azalea Room. Patti held her notebook with both hands and fanned Paint gently. “Are you feeling any better, dearie?” she asked.

Paint nodded and mumbled under her breath. “What’s that you say, dear?” Patti asked, “I didn’t hear you.”

Paint sat up with a sigh and a groan. She mopped her brow with a billowing sleeve. “I said, I don’t understand why they call you Patti the Wicked. That was more than kind of you to rescue me from that elevator. I thought I was going to pass out in there.”

“Well, what happened? Didn’t you have anything to eat today? Would you like a piece of chocolate?” Patti asked Paint as she dug into her handbag. “I’m sure I have some with me; or maybe a LifeSaver; would cherry do?”

“Oh, I had lunch”, Paint replied. “I’m just terrified of elevators. I always have been, or I should say for as long as I can remember I have been.”

“Well, you’re safe now, dearie. No more elevators for you today. We’ll take the stairs next time, shall we?”

Paint smiled shyly up at Patti. “Thanks, Patti, you’re a real peach. Let’s move closer to the front now. Shouldn’t the class be starting soon? “Oh, dear”, said Paint, coming to an abrupt halt. “I’ve forgotten what class I’m supposed to be in. Where are we anyway?”

Patti handed Paint her notebooks and guided her to another chair at the front of the room. “This is ‘Making More Money with Magazines’. Good Lord, Paint! You mean to say you’ve forgotten what classes you’ve signed up for?”

“Elevators do that to me, Patti. If I hadn’t been in such a hurry to get here, I’d never have tried it. I’d have taken the stairs. I will next time; believe me.”

As Patti and Paint settled into their chairs and set out their notebooks and pens, the door opened and they turned around to see Jaycinth enter the room followed by a somewhat reluctant MaddScientistMatt.

“I don’t know, Jaycinth”, they heard Matt say, “that all sounds rather unbelievable to me.”

“But that’s the beauty of it, Matt”, Jaycinth replied, “It worked for ‘My Mother the Car’ and it worked for ‘Christine’. Can’t you just see it?” Jaycinth pantomimed a blazing marquee in the air with her hands. “‘Hotrods from Hell’ – Fast Cars with Bad Attitudes’; teenagers will love it, car fanatics will love it, and horror fans will love it – it will be perfect!”
Matt looked unconvinced.

“Hey ladies”, said Jaycinth as she dropped into a seat behind Patti and Paint, “Would you two help me convince Matt that a horror story featuring his souped up hot rods would be a big hit in Hollywood?” Paint and Patti exchanged glances. “I don’t know much about Hollywood”, Paint replied.

Patti said, “Horror always sells if it’s done well.” She turned to Paint with a wink, “That’s why they call me ‘Patti the Wicked’, dear; not because I’m some knife wielding maniac.” She turned back to the other two. “I think the idea has merit, Matt. You should at least think about it. Let Jaycinth give you a few ideas. She has that kind of sick mind. She could at least get you started with it.”

Matt nodded glumly. “That’s what I’m afraid of”, he said.

“Here, let me give you a few ideas”, Jaycinth said as she whipped out her notebook and started to write. Matt watched her with trepidation. Hearing the door open, he looked up to see a pair of eyes peering around the edge of the door. “Come on in. We don’t bite.” He stole a glance at Jaycinth, “much”, he amended.

“Is this the magazine writing class?”
Matt stood up and made his way to the door. “Not yet”, he said, “but it will be soon. Come in and meet the others. I’m MaddScientistMatt, by the way.” He held out his hand.

“I’m Arrowqueen” she said shaking his hand. “I’m pleased to meet you.” The door opened again and a very tall man entered with a very small woman. Arrowqueen turned around and let out a shriek. There in front of her stood the tallest man she had ever seen. He had to be at least 7 feet tall!

“Hiya, Paint; Hiya Patti” said the diminutive woman at the giant’s side.
“Nateskate and I must be following you from class to class”, said Storygirl. Arrowqueen let out a sigh of relief. Nateskate was reputed to be a gentle giant; nevertheless, she took a seat on the opposite side of the room. Tall people made her nervous and she knew she’d never be able to concentrate with him looming behind her.

Fooling Your Muse

“Hey, Liam, is that you?” the man with the dinosaur mask asked the tall fellow standing at the door to Conference Room A.

“Yeah, it’s me. How could you tell, Tri?”

“Some of your hair is sticking out from under your hood. I don’t think anyone else here has hair quite so blond. How’d you know it was me?” Triceratops asked.

“The dinosaur mask and the cape were a dead give away. So, why do you think Uncle Jim wanted us to wear a costume to this class anyway, Tri?” Liam asked as the two entered the room.

“I’m not sure. The class is called, ‘Fooling Your Muse Into Cooperating’. Maybe he thinks a disguise will intrigue our muse enough to come out of hiding. Of course, I don’t usually have that problem but it sounded like a fun class. Anyway, it’s right before lunch.”“Whoa, would you look at that. I don’t think I’ve seen so many odd looking characters since the last time I went to the ‘Rocky Horror Picture Show’.

“I know what you mean’, Liam agreed. “Do we know these people?

“There’s Dawno”, Tri said. I recognize the sparkly ears. I wish I had a pair of those.” Liam looked at Tri oddly.

“For research purposes, Liam. Haven’t you noticed how much more prolific Dawno’s writing has become since she came back with those ears? I think she’s channeling Nora Roberts with them. Maybe I could get a pair that channel Terry Pratchett or Orson Scott Card.”

Liam shrugged, “Anything’s possible I suppose. Let’s go sit over there next to the person wearing the shrimp head. Do you suppose they’re channeling lunch?”

Tri laughed, “Maybe. Look, there’s Alphabet dressed as the letter ‘A’. Think she’ll let me buy a vowel?”

”Sure she will”, said Liam. “Right after she tells you what the letter ‘A’ stands for.”

“Ouch”, said Tri. “You got me there.”

“Hurry up, there’s a little blighter wearing a pumpkin head and someone dressed as a wolf headed for the shrimp’s table”, Liam told Tri. “Those are the last good seats close to the front. Uncle Jim always puts on a good class; I’d like to sit up front so I can hear.”

“All righty then, let’s meet our table mates and see if we can figure out who else is here. I must say, this is a motley looking bunch.” Triceratops arrived at the table a step ahead of Liam and graciously held a chair for the diminutive person wearing the pumpkin head. “And who do we have here?” Tri asked.

“It’s LanternJack. Don’t you recognize me?”

“Och, I should have known. Forgive me, please” Tri said.

“And who are you?” asked LJack peevishly.

“Oh. So sorry. It’s Triceratops here and this is Liam Jackson disguised as Death Warmed Over.”

”Tiaga, here” said the person in the wolf costume. I’m pleased to finally make your acquaintance.” He gave a little bow before taking a seat. He turned to the person wearing the shrimp head, “I say, that’s a remarkable set of antennae on your shrimp costume. How do you keep them waving like that?”

“I’m not a shrimp”, Vanessa replied from beneath her costume. “I’m a crawdad. I’m trying to reclaim my Cajun roots. I’m channeling Crawfish Etouffe.”

Liam poked Tri in the ribs, “See, I told you they were channeling lunch.”

Tri tried to cover a laugh with a discreet cough. “So, Vanessa, do you recognize anyone else? Who do you suppose that is over there with the planets circling their head?”

“Oh, those aren’t planets. That’s Gehanna. She’s still investigating scientific theory. I suppose those must represent her atoms. Or maybe they’re her electrons. I helped her pick out that costume but I really didn’t understand her explanation of ‘Shared Atom Degeneration’. I’ve never been much of a scientist. That’s Shwebb next to her wearing the moose antlers and Joe Calabrese at the table behind them. I’m not sure I recognize anyone else.” Vanessa’s antennae continued to wobble as she reached beneath the table for her laptop. “Excuse me while I fire this up. I want to be ready when the class starts.”

“I recognize Joe”, said Liam, “He’s looking wonderfully fit. The sabbatical must have been good for him.”

“When’s the class going to start?” asked LJack. “I have a novel to write. My words aren’t getting any fresher. The world needs this story and I want to get it written.”

”The class isn’t due to start ‘til half past, LJack, “It’s only just quarter past the hour now”, said Tiaga. Although it may start earlier; the room’s pretty well full already. I’m glad I got here early enough for a good seat. Who do you suppose that is?” Tiaga nodded toward the corner near the exit. “The chap looks like a cat burglar don’t you think? I don’t suppose I’d carry a coil of rope around like that, though. People might get the wrong impression.”

“I do believe we’re looking at our famous Mr. Underhill”, said Liam, “He always shows up in the last place you look.”

“I think you’re right, and I believe that’s Dave Kuzminski over there. See the bit of green between the moose antlers? I noticed him as we were coming in. We met at a SciFi convention in Richmond last year. I believe he’s branching out into non-fiction – writing test questions for biology exams. He’s become quite the expert in frogs, you know.”

“Well I want to know when this class is going to start. It’s getting more than a little bit uncomfortable under this orange hood of malevolent perdition. I demand to speak to a member of management. It’s unconscionable that people should be kept waiting like this. I believe I’ll ask for a full refund.”

“But these classes are free, LanternJack’, Liam pointed out.

“Then at the very least I should be compensated for my time. What time is it anyway, Vanessa?”

“It’s twenty eight past the hour. Didn’t any of you others bring a lap top or something to take notes with?”

“I have my handy dandy microrecorder”, said Liam as he pulled it out from beneath his robe.

“I’ve got a Blackberry here”, said Tri.

“Steno pad and favorite ball point”, Tiaga said as he threaded it through his fingers like a baton.

“I rely on my memory”, LJack boasted. “I have near perfect recall. I never forget an insult or a bit of raging diatribe either real or imagined.”

Vanessa nearly lost an antenna as she dove beneath the table to tie an imaginary shoelace on her tassel loafers. When she came back up she had managed to regain her composure even if she couldn’t manage to hide her smile. Tri chuckled into his cuff as he checked his watch.
“Witching hour is it, Tri?” Liam asked.

“Nearly so, Liam, nearly so.”

At that moment, a tall, slender fellow burst through the door with his arms extended. An American flag was hanging from beneath his left arm; a Canadian flag was hanging beneath his right. With a swirl that would have made his drill team proud he settled his flags about himself and sat down with a flourish next to a man dressed as a mushroom.

“Glad you could make it, KTC”, said Cao Paux. “I thought maybe you’d been busted for violating an International Treaty or something. It would have been quite the sticky situation, wouldn’t it? Cao Paux nearly choked trying to swallow his guffaw. Kevin KTC narrowed his eyes and glared. “The joke’s on you, Mr. Magic Mushroom and violator of the Geneva Convention. I had two pair of spandex with me and you botched the blue pair. Did you think I wouldn’t notice a great gob of shaving cream stuffed into the crotch of my pants? It’s better I wore the red ones anyway just to show you that the Canadians will prevail.” Cao Paux lost it then and he laid his head on the table and laughed until the tears ran from his eyes.

Uncle Jim chose that moment to take the stage. “I’m happy to see there are a few of you here getting into the spirit of this class. Writing is a serious business but we sometimes forget that our purpose is to entertain our readers.” Uncle Jim McDonald was dressed as a pirate, complete with eye patch and a stuffed parrot on his shoulder. Anne Watkins wondered if the parrot were illegally taken but she shrugged it off. She knew Uncle Jim would never be party to smuggling, though his pirate costume did cause her to ponder what else she didn’t know about her mentor.

“But I write non fiction, Uncle Jim”, called a voice from the back of the room. “I want to inform my target audience.”

“Good to see you here, Optimus”, said Uncle Jim. “So let me ask you, do you want your narrative to be merely a dry recitation of facts?”
“No, but – “
“Do you want to give your readers a laundry list of points to ponder?”
“No, but – “
“Do you think an info dump of all the salient details is a way to engage your reader and convince them to inquire further into your subject?”
“Well, no, but – “
“Do you believe the best way for a student to learn is to study a slew of statistics, presented with a plethora of references followed by a fortune in footnotes?”
“Well, no, but – “
“Then tell me why you think that your readers of non fiction would want to be any less engaged and entertained than the readers of fiction?”

For once in his life, Optimus was speechless. The class burst into spontaneous applause. Optimus had the good grace to appear embarrassed.

“Now”, said Uncle Jim, “Back to the matter at hand. I’m sure many of you are wondering why I’ve asked you to come to this class wearing a costume. The answer is – I want you to believe. I want you to believe in yourselves and in your writing. Not just to believe that you have your facts straight, your spellings correct, and your punctuation appears in the proper places. Those are the bones of your writing. In this class I’m assuming most of you are well past digging up bones, and if you’re not, you know what to do to correct that. This class is about the meat. Put some flesh on those bones people and make those zombies walk!”

The class sat in rapt attention. The room was nearly silent but for the clicking of keys and the scratching of pens. The faint hum of the hotel’s air handling system accentuated the stillness of the room. Someone gave a discreet cough. Uncle Jim came around to stand in front of the podium. His eyes scanned the room surveying the different costumes of the participants. Each one gave small insights to the thoughts and character of their wearers.

“You three ladies in front; those are new mortarboards you’re sporting are they not? KatieMac, have you decided what you’re going to do with that fine new diploma you have hanging on your wall? Sgtsdaughter and Natalia, those are PhD’s you have now. You’ve earned the title of expert.” Uncle Jim made little quote marks in the air with his fingers. “Tell me ladies, do you feel any smarter this week than you did last week? Do you feel any more like an expert?” The three girls shook their heads.

“But you must, ladies. You must believe in yourselves. Your universities believed enough to confer your degrees on you. How are you going to convince a roomful of freshmen that you’re experts if you don’t believe it yourself? I’m sure you feel you have the technical aspects of your craft down well enough. But what will it take for you to believe that you have progressed far enough to consider yourselves experts?” The three stared at Uncle Jim wide eyed. The room held its collective breath.

“I’ll tell you what it’s going to take”, said Uncle Jim as he looked out over his class. “For the duration of your book, regardless of the subject, you have to absolutely believe it. If that means living on hard tack and grog while you’re writing your Napoleonic Naval Adventure – then don’t forget the lime juice, matey. If your book is about the Life Cycle of the Wild-Eyed Guatemalan Fruit Bat, make sure your readers know how it feels to fly through the jungle at night searching for mangoes. If you hold something in your hand or see it in your mirror, your readers will be able to hold it in their hands and see it in their mirrors, too. Don’t tell your readers about your adventures; let them see it through your eyes.”

“Now, for the next twenty minutes, I want you to write about why you chose the costume you did. I want you to tell me how it feels, how it makes you feel, and how you want others to perceive you as you’re wearing it. If you’re dressed as a butterfly, I want you to speak as if you were a butterfly. Ladies and Gentlemen, you are your muse! So let your muse speak!” As Uncle Jim hopped down from the podium, the parrot gave a little squawk and ruffled his feathers before settling back down on his perch on Uncle Jim’s shoulder. Anne Watkins nearly fell off her chair in surprise.

Going For a Ride

“Hey, Unique! Are you waiting for the bus?” Unique jumped. “Oh, Poppy, You startled me. I didn’t see you coming. What bus?"

Poppy flicked her titan hair over her shoulder and said, “The bus that’s taking us all out for the balloon ride. Aren’t you coming?”

“I’d forgotten all about that, Poppy. What time does the bus leave?”

“Oh, it’s not leaving for thirty minutes – you have time to get ready. I’ll meet you down here later.



“Is this everyone?” The tour bus driver looked around at the people standing under the portico. He was a nervous fidgety man who looked like he’d be more at home nursing a hangover with a cigarette in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. He tapped his pencil impatiently against his clipboard. “I have ten names listed here and all I see is youse three. Haskins, Hullings, and Material. Where’s the rest of youse?”

“Here come Ray and Peaches”, said Poppy as she waved to her friends coming out the door. “That’s Maestrowork and Peaches. And there’s Bill, Frank, and Neuro behind them.”

“Her name is Lola”, said Will, “She’s a showgirl. And Ray better not let her boyfriend catch him juggling those oranges. He might end up with something worse than a handful of razor blades. I’ve heard those mutes are mean when they’re riled up and Guillermo’s no picnic anytime.” William turned to the bus driver, “And I told you my wife wasn’t coming this morning. That’s Yvonne Haskins. You’re only waiting for nine.”

“Can we get on the bus now? It’s cold out here.” Unique blew her bangs out of her eyes and stuck her hands under her arms to warm them. “Cripes, it’s cold. I can see my breath.”

“That’s the scotch fumes, love”, said Bill as he mounted the steps to the bus.
“Ha, ha, wise guy”, she said and punched him in the arm as he passed by.

“That’s it’, the driver said. “Only eight but sunrise is in an hour and 40 minutes and we gotta leave now.” As the driver mounted the steps as an elfish figure burst from the hotel doors.

“Wait! Wait for me!” SC came to a stop at the bottom of the steps. “Truman said he couldn’t make it. He gave me his spot. You have Truman Coyote on your list?”

The bus driver ran his finger down the clipboard. “Yeah, yeah, Truman Coyote right here. Who are you?”

SC, SCFireandIce. The driver added her name to his list. “Get on, missy. This bus is leaving.” SC clambered on board and took the front seat. The doors shut with a hiss and the bus pulled away from the hotel. “Where are we going?” SC asked the driver.

“Miller’s field and we need to get moving. The best time to launch is just after sunrise.”

“Lunch after sunrise?” SC shook her head. I don’t understand these folks around here she thought. Eating lunch at sunrise?”

Truman Coyote, the ultimate practical joker didn’t tell SC he was giving her his place on a hot air balloon ride. In fact, he didn’t tell her anything but to take his place on the bus. He implied it was a bus tour of the local area. She still hadn’t figured out his joke.

The bus soon left the paved road and started up a rocky incline. The houses had thinned to an occasional cabin perched on the side of the mountain. SC’s ears popped. Finally the engine stopped groaning and grinding as the bus leveled out. Two more hard bumps and the bus shuddered to a stop. “Okay, everybody out”, the bus driver called. “Meet up with Jackie and John at the end of the field by the van. They’re your pilots today.”

“Pilots? SC thought. “What pilots?” She stepped off the bus and stopped. Bill came off the bus next and crashed into her back. “Great place to stop SC. Are you all right?”

“Come on you guys, let us off the bus.” Yeah” called another voice, “Move it down the line a little, will ya?” “Hurry up.”

SC moved away from the bus and turned to Bill, “What’s going on? Why are we stopping here?”

Bill gave her a funny look, “This is probably the flattest 50 acres in a 100 miles, SC. This is a great place to launch.”

“Launch? Launch? I thought the man said lunch. What did I get myself into?”

“Didn’t Truman tell you? Bill lifted his leather backpack and adjusted the straps before settling it on his shoulders. “Hot air balloon ride; come on, SC.” Bill and the others headed off toward the big white van parked at the end of the field.

“I can’t believe the things I get myself into” SC said as she hurried to catch up.
“Good morning everyone. I’m John and this is my wife, Jackie.” The man was huge – well over six feet and built like a bear. His full black beard and deep gravelly voice made him look like a black bear dressed in red flannel and blue jeans. His wife was similarly dressed but only half his size. She might weigh 100 pounds if she wore extra socks. “If I can get a couple of ye over here to help me lay out these envelopes, we’ll get started. It’s best to have these laid out and filling as the sun rises.”

“Envelopes, we’re stuffing envelopes?” asked SC.

“No, silly” said Unique, “Envelopes are what they call the balloons. Come on with me. I’ll show you what to do.”

The two girls joined William and Neuro in lugging out their balloon. Once they had the envelope laid flat, John started attaching the guide ropes. “You want to make sure you get them lined up in the proper order. If you cross thread them, it’s a real bitch getting the envelope back on the ground to rehook them.”
Once the guide ropes were secured for both balloons, John and Jackie loaded the burners and the extra tanks. The GPS was built into the basket and the batteries were replaced with fresh ones that had been charging in the van.

“Now, we don’t usually carry an extra fuel tank but the National Weather Service said there’s a strong upper level current aloft. We may need to rise up over it if it turns out to be very wide. Stow that over there, will ya, boy?”

‘Boy?’ thought William. “Sure thing, Pops.” Will tucked the extra canister beneath the basket’s rim.

“Now we’ll divide you up according to weight. Since Jackie’s a lot lighter than me, she can take more people in her basket. You three there, you go on and join Jackie.” He pointed to Frank, Poppy, and Bill. “You three come with me.” Will, Unique, and Neuro climbed into the closest basket. “That leaves you three. You’re a little thing, you come with us.” SC climbed in beside Unique. “Ma’am, for all your, uh – charms, you probably don’t weigh much” he said to Peaches. You and this feller here,” he pointed to Ray, “you two join Miss Jackie over there and she’ll let you know what needs to be done.”

Secrets in the Spa

“Annie’, called the woman in the bright red jeans as she came striding down the hall from the elevators, ‘Where have you been all day?” Annie pulled her key card from the slot in the door’s locking mechanism and opened her door a crack.

“Well, hi Sarashay. I’ve just come back from the Limerick in Lockstep Workshop downstairs. It was a blast. I’m thinking of going down to the spa for a bit. Where have you been?”

“Oh, Annie, I’ve just come back from the most remarkable class. I think I’ve finally figured out a way to get my novel back from those hoodlums at PA! I’m so excited. I can’t wait to get started on it.”

“Really?” said Annie. “That does sound exciting. I can’t wait to hear about this. Why don’t you come down to the spa with me? We can have a bit of a soak and maybe a drink or two or three and you can tell me all about it.”

“But I don’t have a swim suit with me. I can’t go down there in shorts and a Tee. I’d be embarrassed out of my mind.”

“Not to worry”, Annie told her. “I’ve just bought a new suit at the hotel gift shop. You can wear the one I brought with me. It’s clean. And now that I think about it, I haven’t worn that one either. I bought it at Kohl’s at the end of season clearance. I’m from Milwaukee. End of season is the middle of July. It’s brand new, too.”

“Hey, Annie, that’s super and awfully sweet of you.”

“No problem at all, Sarashay. I really want to hear about this PA business.” Annie and Sarashay entered her room and Annie shut the door behind them. She walked to the closet and pulled out two bathing suits in bright colors. “Here, try this one”, Annie said. She handed a lime green tank suit to Sarashay. “That should fit. We’re about the same size.”

“Geez, Annie. This still has the tags on it.”

“Go ahead and try it on, Sarashay. I’m going to go in here and wash off some of this makeup. I can’t have half my face floating away in the spa. It might scare the kiddies”, said Annie. She shut the bathroom door and called out to Sarashay. “Take the hotel robe from the closet. I brought mine with me from home. I’ll wear that.”

“Well, there’s one down in my room. I can go down and get it.”

“Nah”, said Annie as she stepped out of the bathroom, “Why waste time? This one’s here. Besides, I’d like to hurry up and get down there.”

“What’s the big rush?” Sarashay asked. “Are you going someplace else later on?”

Annie giggled. “No, I’m not going anywhere else, but I overheard Saritams talking to Ray Maestrowork and Three Seven. They’re headed to the spa, too. I’ve been wanting to get close to that man since I signed up for this conference. I keep signing up for different classes and he’s always in the room next door. I keep missing him. Maybe if I hurry, I can catch up to him in the spa.”

“Annie! Are you stalking Ray Maestrowork? Have you lost your mind?” Sarashay asked.

“What?” Annie blinked in surprise. “Of course I’m not. Now, if I really wanted to stalk someone, it wouldn’t be him. He has women hanging all over him. I’m talking about Three Seven.”

Now it was Sarashay’s turn to blink in surprise. “Three Seven? For God’s sakes why? The man’s British; you’ll probably never see him again after this week.”

“Exactly”, said Annie, “That’s why I want to meet him now. I may never get another chance. Oh, I just fell in love with his style in the Share Your Work forum. Haven’t you read any of his book? He’s up to Chapter 17.”

“Annie”, Sarashay shuddered in horror. “The man has the mind of a stone cold killer. Why on earth would you want to be alone with him in a spa that looks like a grotto in a cave somewhere?”

“Oh, I won’t be alone”, Annie said. “I’ll be with you. Are you ready?” Annie finished stuffing gear in a canvas tote. She wrapped a terry robe around her emerald swimsuit and picked up her key card from the end of the bed. “Let’s get down there. We mustn’t keep the man waiting.”

As the girls walked down the hallway to the elevator, they heard a door open behind them. After pushing the elevator call button, Annie turned to look down the hallway to see who was coming. “That’s odd”, she said, “I thought I head a door open.”

“So did I”, said Sarashay. “I guess they’ll just have to wait for the next elevator.” As the door opened and the girls stepped inside, a shadowy figure slipped out from one of the rooms and headed for the emergency stairs at the end of the hall.

“So tell me about your limerick workshop, Annie. Were there a lot of people in it? What did you do?”

“Oh, there weren’t too many of us - only about 15 or so. We divided up into groups. The instructor started with a prompt word, the first person she passed it to had to make up the first line of the limerick and then pass it to the person on his left. The group with the most limericks completed at the end of the class won a prize.”

“That sounds like fun. Did you win? What was the prize?”

“Well, my group didn’t win the top prize, but everyone in the class received a really nice gift pen with the hotel logo on it and a new writing journal. The top prize was an autographed copy of the instructor’s book; it’s a limerick dictionary. The instructor also made us copies of all the limericks we made in class and we all signed each other’s copies so we’d have an autograph in case any of us ever made it famous.”

“Who was in your group?” Sarashay asked as they stepped off the elevator.

“Oh, let’s see; I had Rob Poetinahat and threedogpeople, Meany and drgnlvr.”

“Drgnlvr; I didn’t know she wrote limericks”, said Sarashay.

“Well, she doesn’t really”, Annie said. “She told us she’d always want to try but she wasn’t really sure about how they were constructed. But the first part of the class was about the meter and how to make them balance; the history and all of that.” She got rather good at it by the end of the class. Some of them are pretty funny. I’ll show them to you later on if you’d like.”

“I’d like that”, said Sarashay as they reached the spa doors. “So, who else was in the class?”

“Oh, there were pthom and Reph; Watcher and InkFairie; pconsidine and Zonk. Gee, I’m not remembering everybody right now. Let me think on it a bit. Let’s put our stuff away in the locker room and take a quick rinse. I can’t wait to hop in that water. Did you see the steam rising off the top of it? This is going to be marvelous.”Sarashay pinned up her hair and stepped into a fine pulsing spray as Annie stowed their robes and tote in one of the lockers. She gave her key to the attendant and signed herself and Sarashay in with their room numbers.

“Hurry up now, Annie. You don’t want to miss your chance with Mr. Three Seven.”

“Oh, did you see him?” Annie asked.

“No, but this is a big place and I wasn’t really looking that close. In fact, I just now remembered that you were going to look for him.”

“So tell me about your class, Sarashay. How are you going to get your book back from PA? I can’t wait to hear this.”

Annie stepped into the whirlpool and sat down with a sigh. Steam rose from the surface and the rest of the spa area was veiled in mist from the waterfall that poured into and around it.

“Get in and sit down, Sarashay. This water is absolutely marvelous. I want to hear about your discovery.”

“I was looking about for your Three Seven, but I can’t see through this waterfall. Actually, that’s just as well. No one will be able to hear me either. This is what we talked about in class. It was so exciting. Jaws was our instructor and he brought along three of his friends who are also attorneys. The gist of the program is this.” As Sarashay continued, Annie sat enthralled. Neither of them noticed the shadowy form slipping along the rock walled grotto and behind the waterfall to the far end of the pool.
“And that’s how it’s going to work”, Sarashay finished.

“That’s bloody brilliant”, said Annie. “I can’t believe no one’s ever thought of that before.”

“Well, perhaps they have. At least a few of them may have. Most of those poor authors are so discouraged and disillusioned they don’t know what to do next. The few fortunate enough to have discovered Absolute Write have the fine legal mind of Jaws to call on to make sure all their i’s are dotted and their t’s are crossed. I’m telling you, that makes all the difference in the world.”

“Won’t they have a fit when they discover their authors slipping off one by one?” Annie laughed.

“Oh, yes”, Sarashay agreed, “And hopefully, if it all goes well, they’ll be stuck with a big, fat class action suit just when their finances are at their lowest ebb. That would deliver the coup de grace and put those blood suckers out of business once and for all!”

In the Wind

John made some final adjustments to the lines and lit the burner. The noise was overpowering up close and it limited conversation. The envelope slowly filled and the envelope started to lift off the ground. The bus driver, who also doubled as the chase driver and general help started to unhook the tethers to the closest balloon. As it started to lift, Unique and SC waved to their friends in the balloon across the field.

“They’re next” shouted John. “We want to get up and out of their way.” He hit the burner with another blast and the basket started to lift off the ground. The chase helper unhooked the last tether and the big green balloon holding Unique, SC, William, and Neuro lifted into the morning sky.
John shouted to be heard above the sound of the burners, ‘Once we get to about 1,500 feet, I won’t have to hit the burners so often. We’ll be able to talk then. If we can get into one of those convection lifts, we can get into one of those cross currents and ride until it’s time to come down.”

‘It’s so foggy down there. I can’t see a thing.” SC complained. “Where’s the other balloon? “

“You can’t see them because we’re up above the fog now. Once the others rise up past the fog we’ll be able to see them. It’ll burn off the ridges in about an hour. Sometimes the deeper valleys stay fogged in all day.”

“Come over to this side.” Neuro reached out a hand and pulled SC close to him. He pointed over the edge of the basket. “Look down between those ridges. See the house down there? I think there’s someone hanging out laundry.”

“Where? I don’t see anything.” SC leaned over to see what Neuro was pointing at.Something cold and hard dug into SC’s side.

“Do you see this, SC? Keep still and I may let you live.” SC’s eyes went wide. Neuro poked her again. “Act right, SC, act natural. Don’t make me use this on you.”

John was busy pointing out local landmarks to Unique and William.
“And over there is the beginning of the Great Cherokee National Forest. Don’t nobody live there any more. That there valley is over 1,000 feet deep. Some folks still swears there’s dinosaurs roaming round down there. I don’t believe it myself, but it’s wild in there. It’s mighty wild. Bears, wild boar, turkeys, just about any kind of wild game you could think of live down in there.”

John turned around to fire the burner again. He saw Neuro fiddling with the ropes.“Hey, what are you doing? Let go of those ropes. That opens the parachute. You let the heat out now and we’ll crash into the ridge."

“Sorry, chum. It’s time to say goodnight.” Neuro shot John right below the sternum. A small trickle of blood leaked through his flannel shirt. John reached out for the gun. Neuro shot him again and John fell hard to the bottom of the basket. SC covered her eyes and screamed. Neuro yanked hard on the parachute’s cord. The balloon began losing altitude. Unique and William jerked around. “What the hell are you doing, Neuro? Are you crazy? You’ll kill us all” William shouted.

“Oh, no, not all, William - just you and Unique, you fiendish culprits. I plan to get back the research notes that you stole from me and go back to Wilmington.”

“Me?” asked Unique. “What did I do? I didn’t steal anything.” SC cowered at the edge of the basket. Her face was ghastly white against her red hair.

“Research notes? What the hell would I do with your research notes you damn fool?” William’s hands were clenched on the sides of the basket. “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”

“Don’t lie to me Haskins. You stole them off my desk when you were down in my lab filming that movie. Do you think I don’t know that you stole them for Unique? She’s the other biologist in this outfit. The two of you would make big profit off my work. I’m not having it. Now where are they?” Neuro pulled the cord to light the burner. A jet of flame shot up into the balloon. The balloon started to lift slowly and continued to rise as Neuro held the cord leaving the flame burning.

“Stop, Neuro. We can only go so high in this thing. Let go of the cord.”

“Nothing doing, Unique. We’re staying up here until I get some answers. Now, Haskins, where are my research notes?”

“I told you I don’t have them, Neuro. I don’t have them and I never did. I didn’t even see the damn things and I wouldn’t know what to do with them if I had them.”

“That’s a bloody lie.” Neuro hit the burner and the balloon started to rise again. We’ll just stay up here until one of you decides to talk.”

“I think I’m going to be sick” SC moaned into the corner of the basket. “Why are we going so fast?” The balloon was racing across the sky, caught in an air current that made the ground below pass by with dizzying speed.

“My, God, Neuro. We’ve hit the upper level cross wind John was talking about. For God’s sake, let us down. We can talk about this on the ground.” William lunged for the parachute cord and gave it a yank. The balloon started to lose altitude. Neuro lashed out at William’s head with the pistol. William staggered back his head bloody.

“You, idiot! You’ve broken the parachute cord. There’s no way to close the chute!” The balloon started to plummet.
“I’m going to be sick’ SC moaned. She leaned over the side of the basket. Suddenly, the balloon dropped into another air current and it violently changed direction. SC was pitched over the side. She fell screaming to the ground below.

In the moment of distraction, William seized the opportunity to attack Neuro. He grabbed his opponent’s collar and tried to keep the gun pointed skyward. William and Neuro were dancing a dangerous pas de deux at 1,500 feet in the air. Unique scooted around on the floor of the basket trying to stay out of their way. Suddenly, the balloon encountered a downdraft and dropped another 500 feet quickly. With the parachute cord broken while the flap at the top of the balloon was open, it now couldn’t be closed. The balloon continued to lose altitude. Unique screamed as she saw the top of a pine tree rise above the rim of the basket.

“William, we’re going to crash!” Will took that moment to give Neuro a mighty heave. His back hit the rim of the basket and his head whipped back just as the first branches were passing by the rim of the basket. Neuro’s head cracked on a passing limb. Staggering he bounced off the side of the basket and was slapped in the head by another branch. The balloon shuddered and shook as it fell through the limbs of the pines. Great streamers of the balloon’s envelope were torn away and lost to the wind. With a final lurch and crash, the balloon came to a shuddering halt.

The Girls Do Lunch

Jill met Joanne at the buffet. The tables stretched the length of the room. “Good morning, Joanne. Have you seen William today?”

“Not this morning”, Joanne replied looking at Jill curiously. “I saw him last night in the lobby. He was speaking to the concierge about something .”

“We were supposed to meet in the Atrium this morning before breakfast”, said Jill. “And he never showed up.”

Joanne put a whole wheat biscuit next to a slice of melon on her plate. “That doesn’t sound like William. I wonder what held him up.”

“Joanne, is that roast beef over there?” asked Jill. “That’s certainly a weird thing to have on a breakfast buffet.” Joanne looked up from her plate and stared at Jill. “Breakfast buffet? It’s 12:30 in the afternoon, Jill. This is the lunch buffet.”

“Oh, my God! That’s why William never showed. He didn’t stand me up, I was late! My watch must have stopped working. He probably sat there waiting for me and wondering where I was.”

“There’s nothing you can do about it now, you can explain it to him when you see him. Aren’t you two both signed up for the poetry forum this afternoon? Oh, look. There’s Perks and Paprika. Let’s see if we can join them at their table. I hate looking around for a place to sit.”

“Good afternoon ladies”, said Paprika. “What’s that you’re having, Joanne? It looks delicious”.

Perks nudged Paprika. “Look over there.” She nodded toward the dining room door. “That’s Dan McAllister from the SBI, he works with my husband. I wonder what he’s doing here.”

“Who are you looking at Perks?” Paprika looked around the room and spotted a tall, dark haired man coming toward them. “Is that him? Oh, he’s fine. Is he married, Perks?”

“I’m sure he must be but I don’t know for sure. I can find out for you though.”

“Oh, please do” said Paprika with a grin, “He’s delicious looking.”

“Good afternoon” said the detective with a courteous nod, “Perks, may I speak with you a moment? Tim told me I might find you here; and it shouldn’t take but a moment of your time.”

“Well, of course, Dan. Keep Paprika out of my plate please, will you Joanne?”
The two moved away from the table and out of earshot.
“I wonder what that’s about” Joanne mused.

Jill looked at her and tried to repress a smirk. “Joanne, you have a suspicious mind. He’s probably got a message from Tim. Perks said he worked with her husband.”

“I don’t think so” Joanne said. Jill glanced over at Joanne. She was sitting with a forkful of melon raised but unmoving. ‘What is it Joanne? Has the melon gone bad? I’m glad I didn’t take any of it. I’m prone to food poisoning.”

“It’s the Bad Wolf. I saw him last night in my dream. “Look at Perk’s face.” Jill looked up to see Perk’s eyes go wide and staring. “What are you two looking at?” Paprika craned her neck to look back at Perks. The handsome detective seemed to be talking to her quite seriously.

“What are you talking about Joanne? Detective McAllister is a friend of Perk’s. He works with her husband. What is this Bad Wolf you’re talking about?”
Joanne lowered her fork and held her hands quietly in her lap. She said, ‘When you see the Bad Wolf running in your dream he is chasing someone. If you hear him howling it means someone has died.”

“Now you’re scaring me. That sounds too spooky.”

“Spooky, yes’ Joanne replied, ‘but it’s true. You’ll see.
”
Paprika gave a nervous laugh. It came out more of a cackle. “Have your dreams come true before Joanne?”

“Yes, many times.”

“Well, we can ask her what he said when she comes back. Do you think she’d mind if I ate the tomatoes from her salad? Paprika spooned another gob of honey on her biscuit and eyed Perk’s salad hungrily. “Do you think she’d mind?” Joanne continued to watch Perks and detective MacAllister.

“I’m going to let you get back to your friends, Perks’, Detective McAllister said as he looked over at the table. He noticed Joanne was eyeing him warily. “I know your friends are going to be curious but I’d appreciate if you’d keep the details of what happened to Mrs. Haskins to yourself.

Mr. Haskins may not know yet. We’d like to find him before the news gets around so we can gauge his reaction. The body’s only just been found by the chambermaid who went in to clean the room and she’s been taken home. Her doctor probably has her under sedation. She was quite shaken, nearly hysterical. She’s the only person besides law enforcement and hotel management that know something’s happened. Well, now you know, too.”
“You and whoever killed her that is. Perks paled under her tan. Rumors are bound to get around but I’d like to have a little time before it becomes common knowledge.”

Crash Landing

When Unique opened her eyes, her first thought was that she had died. Nothing hurt and there was no sound. She sat up and looked around her. William was lying on his side, his right arm bent at an unnatural angle. John the pilot was lying across legs. Neuro’s body was sprawled along side the control panel lying smashed on the floor of the basket. His head was bloody and it was obvious he was dead.

“William; William can you hear me? Oh, please tell me you’re still alive.” She reached over and touched his face. His eyes blinked open and she snatched her hand back, startled. “You’re alive then. Thank goodness. I can’t imagine being out here all alone. Are you all right?”

William groaned as he tried to sit up. “I don’t think so. I feel dizzy and sick to my stomach. I think my arm is broken.”

William howled in agony. His scream echoed off the rocky canyon walls and startled small birds into flight. The sweat beaded on his brow and rolled down the sides of his face. His shirt was dark with it. “You enjoyed that didn’t you, Unique? Surprised, she looked up at him sitting propped against the side of the basket. His face was grey and drawn with pain.

“Of course I did. I delight in torturing you, William; surely you know that by now”, she said sarcastically as she shook her head in disgust. “What a daft thing to say. It’s bad enough we’re stuck out here in the middle of God knows where. How far do you think we’d get if your arm ended up infected from a compound fracture? I had to set it if we’re to have any hope of getting out of here and you should be grateful that I know how to do it. Now hold still while I find something to bind it with. If that bone shifts I’ll have to do it all over again.”

“You’d enjoy that, wouldn’t you?” he muttered under his breath.

“I heard that” she said. Unique continued to rummage around in the bottom of the balloon’s basket. Everything was scattered across the bottom from the hard landing at the bottom of the rocky gorge. Remnants of the tattered balloon envelope dangled in the tree branches above their heads. “That’s it! The balloon was made of rip stop nylon – that would be the perfect thing to bind up your arm and make a sling.”

“How are you going to get up there, Unique? You’re not ten feet tall.”

“Well, I’ll stand on something then. Or maybe climb. I know how to climb trees.”

“Well, wouldn’t that be fancy – you breaking your arm. Then I could reciprocate.”

“Fat chance, William. You need two hands to pull a bone straight and you’ve only got one functional. I know what to do.” She leaned Neuro upright and propped him up with a backpack. Balancing on his shoulders, she climbed onto the edge of the basket and reached up for the nearest branch.

“You’re gonna bust your ass doing that.”

“Shut up, Will.” Unique pulled her legs straight up over her head and wrapped them around the branch. With a bit of twisting she was soon on top of the outstretched limb. Lying there catching her breath Unique looked around. She couldn’t see far but she could tell that they weren’t all the way to the bottom of the gorge. There was a gleam of water off in the distance but at a lower elevation.
“Hey, Will?” she called down. “Is there any kind of map in John’s backpack? I think I can see a river or a creek from up here.”

“How far is it?” he asked.

“I can’t tell. I can only see a little bit of it. It doesn’t look too far. It doesn’t look too big though. I can’t really tell.”

Suddenly, Will cried out.

“What happened? Are you all right?”

“I bumped my arm on Neuro. It hurt like hell.” William’s voice sounded weaker than it had. He was suffering something fierce but he was determined not to show it.

“William, I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you to do that. Just sit still. I can reach a piece of this material from here and I’ll come down and look myself. Please don’t hurt you arm any more than it is. I got excited thinking we could find our way out of here. I just forgot.” Unique shimmied back on the limb and braced her back against the tree trunk. Slowly she inched her way standing. Grabbing onto another limb above her head, she reached out with her other hand and grabbed a handful of the shredded balloon hanging above her head. She tugged at it to see how tightly it was stuck. It gave a little bit and then snagged. She tugged a little harder and the material let go in a shower of twigs. She clung tightly to the branch she was holding and tried not to lose her balance.

“Hey, what are you doing up there, looking for pine nuts?” William said as the cascade of needles tumbled into his hair.

“Watch out; I’m going to drop this piece of material down to you.” She let go of the piece of green fabric she had torn from the limb. She let go and watched it flutter down into the basket beside William.

“Be careful up there. I don’t want you falling down on top of me.”

“I’m not going to land on you, William. You hollered loud enough to wake the dead the last time I set your arm. I don’t think my ears could take it if I had to do it again. Of course”, she said as she prepared to leap down from the limb into the basket, “I could keep doing it again and again until someone heard you and came to rescue us.”

“For God’s sake, Unique, what are you getting ready to do?” William scooted backwards holding his broken arm awkwardly trying to protect it. A panicked look crossed his face as his back hit the far side of the basket. There was no where else to go.

“Hush up. I’m trying to get myself into the right frame of mind.”

“To do what?” William asked.

“Well, to jump down off this branch, of course. If I could fly, I would have done it on the way up here” she replied.

William closed his eyes. He couldn’t believe she was actually going to jump down. The branch she was standing on had to be at least ten feet off the ground. He could just imagine her landing on top of him. Or even worse, missing the basket completely and killing herself before his eyes.
“Can’t you just climb down?” he asked.

“The angles are wrong for climbing down. I’m going to have to jump. Now, would you please be still so I can concentrate?”

William felt the basket give a little shake. He opened his eyes and found Unique standing in front of him. His eyes widened in surprise.
“How did you do that?” he asked.

“Meow” she said and she grinned at him.

Getting Ready

“You scare me sometimes, Unique’, William told her.

“Well, good. As long as you hold onto the proper attitude of respect, we’ll get along just fine. How’s your arm doing?”

“It hurts like hell and it’s beginning to throb. It feels like a second heart beat in there.” Unique scrambled around the floor of the basket. She spotted SC’s shoulder bag peeking out from under John’s body. She gave a tug on the strap and John’s torso shifted. His head thumped on the floor of the basket, his eyes staring at the sky. Unique turned away and upended SC’s bag.

“What are you doing, Unique?” William asked. “That isn’t yours.”

“I know that, William. I’m looking for something we can use and SC isn’t going to need it. “Aha”, she said, “I think I’ve found our lunch. It’s not what I was looking for, but it will do.”

“You found lunch; did she have a happy meal tucked away in there?” William asked sarcastically.

“Sorry, no chicken nuggets for you, Will, but I found a pack of nabs and a bottle of water. Of course, if SC had been a real Southern girl, this would be a bottle of RC cola. But water’s probably better for us anyway.” Unique started to tuck items back into SC’s bag. Her hand closed around a small cylinder. “What do you know, pepper spray.” Unique tucked the black and yellow cylinder in the back pocket of her jeans. She had always had an unreasonable fear of rabid animals and they were a long way out in the woods.

“Did you find a cell phone in there by any chance?” William interrupted Unique’s reverie.

“What? Oh, no William. No cell phone. If SC had one she must have left it back in her room. But she did have some useful things in here.” Unique stood up and crossed over to where William was sitting. She reached into her front pocked and pulled out a small tin. “Hold out your hand.”

“Altoids? I know they’re curiously strong mints, but I don’t think they’ll do me any good Unique.”

“Will Haskins, shut up and hold out your hand.” Unique opened the little tin and selected four tablets. “Do you have any allergies, Will? Are you allergic to codeine or aspirin or anything like that?”

“Not that I know of”, he replied. “Why do you ask?”

“Here, take these.” Unique dropped one long pink tablet and three small round white ones into William’s outstretched palm.

“The pink one is Darvocet and there’s an aspirin and two Tylenol. I have two Tylenol 3’s left but I think I’ll hold onto those for now. You might need them more later. Those won’t stop your pain, but hopefully they’ll help take the edge off”, she said as she cracked the top on the bottle of water.

“Can you do them all at once or do you need to do them one at a time?”

“I think I know how to do this, Unique”, said William.

“I’m just trying to help you, Will. You can’t use your right hand and you are right handed, aren’t you?”

William tossed the handful of pills into his mouth and held out his hand for the water bottle. He threw back his head and washed down the pills with a quick swallow. He took another drink and handed the bottle back to Unique. She twisted the cap back on and handed it back to him.

“Do you always carry a small pharmacy with you in your pocket?”

“Whenever I leave the house, yes, I do.”

“Why?” William tilted his head and looked at her curiously. “You don’t look like a druggie and those aren’t exactly street drugs. What else do you have in your pocket?”

“It's for chronic pain, William. I've had it for over 20 years. Most of the time I can deal with it; sometimes I can’t. My ‘pocket stash’ is for when I can’t.” Unique turned away and started going through John’s backpack. William sat in stunned silence as he realized the import of what she’d just said.

“You gave me your medicine, Unique. You’re willing to suffer so I won’t have to.” William watched her going through what little gear there was in the basket. Unique had started a small pile next to John’s empty backpack.

She turned to face him. “I’m used to it, William, and you’re not. And you’re going to be hurting a lot more than I am. I don’t have much. SC had some Midol in her purse; that’ll help. What I really want is something long and flat and stiff to use as a splint for your arm. And I’m not finding anything.” She sat down with a thump and held her head in her hands. She ran her fingers through her hair at the temples. To William, it looked as though she were trying to pull her hair out.

“What’s wrong, Unique?” William asked quietly, “Besides the obvious, that is.”

She looked up at him with a sigh. “We have to get out of here, William. It gets cold in these mountains at night. It’s late August and that’s more like October or November where we’re from. Your arm’s set for now, but that’s only because you’re holding still. The minute we try to climb out of this basket, it’s going to shift. Not only is that going to hurt like hell, I’m afraid it’s going to break through the skin. I don’t have anything to dress it with, no antibiotics, no nothing. We don’t even know where we are and neither does anyone else.” Unique put her head back in her hands.

“I’m sorry. I’m really and truly sorry for this”, William said.

Unique looked back up at William. “This isn’t your fault. How could this be your fault? You didn’t know Neuro was going to go crazy like that. Hell, I didn’t know he was crazy and I’d met him before, plenty of times. I’d been to his lab, I’d met his family.” Her voice trailed off as she noticed a blackening sky behind William’s head.

“Did you take his research notes, Unique?”

“Will Haskins, I’m going to break your other arm. Of course I didn’t. We’re not even in the same field, for God’s sake. I tried to explain that to him and he didn’t want to listen. And I don’t know about him”, she nodded toward Neuro’s body, ‘but I’m a survivor and that’s what I intend to do.” She crawled over to Neuro and started unthreading his belt from his jeans. She laid the belt aside and struggled to get his jacket off his body.

“What are you doing?” William asked.

“I’m collecting”, she told him.

“Collecting what? I’m not wearing a dead man’s clothes.”

“You will if it gets cold enough. And I believe it’s fixin’ to rain. At least I hope it’s rain. I don’t know what the elevation is here so I’m hoping it doesn’t snow.” Unique crab walked back to John’s body and removed his belt. She wiped the blood off the leather on the legs of his jeans.

“What are you going to do with the belts?” William asked.

“You’ll see”, she said. Unique rolled a sweat shirt she’d found in John’s back pack into a tight tube. “Hold out your arm, Will. Gently now, lay it down on top of this.” She ran a belt above and below the break in William’s arm. As she tightened them, she said, “Let me know if I pull it too tight. I want it to hold still, but I don’t want to cut off your circulation. It’s only temporary until I can work out something better.” Once she had his arm padded and stabilized she looked at him and said, “Will, you’re not going to like this part.”

Over the Edge

Newsflash; I don’t like any of it so far”, he said.

“You’re going to like this even less. Can you stand up?” Will rolled to his knees and stood up awkwardly. He winced and went pale. “Damn, I’m stiff”, he said.

“We’re probably both bruised more than we realize. I’ve been moving around and you haven’t. Now I’m going to bind your arm to your body so you can’t move it.” She held out the piece of material she’d salvaged from the balloon.

“You’re crazy; I’m not going to let you tie me up like a Christmas package”, he said.

“Oh, yes you are”, she told him. “I didn’t tell you this, but we’re not sitting on the ground. Look behind me.”

“Yeah, so what? It’s steep, but we don’t have to go up.”

“Now turn around and look behind you” she said. William turned and looked over the rim of the basket. He stood motionless for a moment staring out at the vista before him. When he turned back to face her, his eyes were shocked and staring.

“We’re going to have to climb down out of here, William. We’ve landed on top of some bushes – a rhododendron thicket, most likely. That’s what stopped us. Otherwise we’d most likely be at the bottom of this gorge. But we can’t have you trying to use your right arm on the way down. Think about what would happen if you tried to use it to support yourself.”
Will’s eyes held hers and he blanched with remembered pain. “What do you want me to do?” he said.

“You see it now, don’t you?” she asked him. “I’m going to bind your arm across your chest so you can’t use it. Don’t even think about using it. I want you to forget you even have another arm until we get down on the ground.”
After stabilizing Will’s arm across his chest, she took the ends of the fabric and tucked them down the back of his jeans.

“Hey, what are you doing?” he asked.

“We can’t have you snagging those ends on anything. Do you want to be hanging in the air like a Christmas ornament?” Leaving William to ponder the logistics of climbing down one handed, Unique gathered what little she could find that looked useful into John’s back pack. She threaded the strap of SC’s bag through the D rings of the back pack and made sure it was securely fastened. She handed Neuro’s jacket to William and said, “Hold onto this until I tell you to drop it. We want to hold onto as many warm clothes as we can. We may need them later.

“What are you going to do, Unique?” William asked her.

“We only have a few lines to work with here, William. I think we’re pretty securely hung up here, but all we can do is hope for the best. I want you to go to the other side of the basket to act as a counterbalance while I take this line over the side. Hopefully it’s long enough for me to reach the ground. Once I’m down, I’ll look around to see which way will be easiest for you. You can drop the back pack and the jacket after me once I’ve gotten into a clear space. It’s going to be hard for you to do this one handed so hopefully we’re not too far up in the air.” Unique coiled the rope and launched it over the side. She watched it disappear as it uncoiled into the branches below. She tugged on the line overhead. It was still securely fastened, but it seemed much thinner now that she contemplated using it to hold her weight.

“Wish me luck, Will”, she said. Taking a firm grip on the rope over head, she slithered over the edge of the basket. She lifted her elbows off the rim and hung for a moment before letting herself down hand over hand. Laurel branches tried to make their way up the legs of her jeans. She kept reaching with her toes hoping to find some solid purchase beneath her. When her foot reached a limb that felt large enough to stand on, she tested it with her full weight while keeping a tight grip on the rope. The branch cracked and she continued to ease her way down. There was no way for her to tell how much rope she had left. She wondered if she’d still be dangling above the ground when she ran out of line. Suddenly, the toe of her shoe jammed into a V in the main trunk of one of the trees. She kicked desperately with her other foot to free herself. Slipping a little down the rope, she realized she was standing on solid ground. Arms above her head, she looked around. She was determined not to let go of the rope until she knew where she was. She let out a sigh of relief.

“Unique!” William called from above, “are you making it?”

“Yes, William. I’ve made it to the ground. The trees supporting the basket are growing from a shallow ledge. I think you’d better come down the same way I did. I don’t think I can fight my way through to the other side. They’re too thick and I can’t see what’s on the other side. Come over to this side and look down. Can you see me?” she called.

“No, all I can see are branches. Wait a minute; wave your arms around a little bit.” William peered through the branches trying to see the ground below. “I can see where you went through. Some of the branches are broken but I can’t see you. What’s it like down there?”

“It’s not very wide, but if you take the rope a turn around one of your legs, I can help lead you down by holding onto this end of it. It reaches all the way to the ground so you won’t have to jump. See if you can drop the back pack where I came through."

William wrestled the pack onto the rim of the basket. “Look out; I’m getting ready to heave it.” He gave the pack a mighty push and watched it sail out and down. He heard it crashing through the branches on its way to the ground. It landed with a thump a few feet from Unique.

“Okay, William; I’ve got it. You’re next. Hold onto the rope and try to slow yourself with your feet.”William wrapped the rope loosely around his left leg. Straddling the rim of the basket, he threw his other leg up until he was sitting of the edge.Slowly, he eased off the side and hung for a moment before beginning his slide down the rope. He closed his eyes as his feet started hitting the branches below him. Just as his palm was beginning to burn from the friction of the rope, his feet hit the ground and Unique grabbed him around the waist to steady him.

“You made it. You can open your eyes now, Will.” He opened his eyes to see Unique grinning up at him. He let go of the rope and started to laugh. “I can’t believe I did that. I can’t believe I let you talk me into doing that. I don’t ever want to do anything like that again.” Will sat down heavily and put his forehead on his knees. “Do you think you could untie me now?” he asked. “I think I really would like to sit down for a minute.”

Unique unwrapped the green nylon fabric that was holding Will’s arm in place. She folded it into a long sling and slid it under his arm. “Let me fix this up for you and then we’ll see about getting down from here. I think we should head for that river – try and follow it down from here. Keep your ears open and listen for cars. We could be very near a highway and never know it if it’s on the other side of the mountain.”

Poetry Slam & Beer Tasting Extravaganza

“Welcome to the Black Cock’s Second Annual Poetry Slam and Beer Tasting Extravaganza; I’m Folklore Fanatic, the host and MC for tonight’s event. Before we get started, I’d like to take a moment to thank our sponsor, Mr. Sven Viking of the Mead-Herrings Microbrewery for providing us with such a wonderful variety of delicious libations. Mr. Viking, Salut!"

Sven Viking stood up and waved as the spotlight swung in his direction. “Folklore, I’m flattered. Thanks for the warm welcome and remember everybody, Mead! Herrings!” He sat down to the thunderous applause echoing off the brick walls of the Black Cock. The houselights dimmed and the spotlight swung back to the stage and focused on Folklore and the first participant.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it brings me great pleasure to introduce our first participant, Ms. Reph of Dubuque, Iowa, presenting her poem, ‘Word Soup’. Reph leaned over and tapped the mike. “Is this thing on?” The crowd laughed and she continued:
I’ll take a hammer to your grammar
If that’s what it takes
Your sorry punctuation and the glaring mistakes
In your spelling
It’s atrocious and the whole world shakes
Baby, if I have to beat you
I’ll do it to defeat you
‘Cause I can’t stand listening to your
Grammar mistakes.

Reph took a bow and walked off stage and back to her seat to resounding applause. It took several minutes for the catcalls and whistles to stop. Folklore said, “Didn’t that just get you where you live?” He wiped away a fake tear and proceeded to introduce the next participant.

Out in the audience, Jill leaned over and whispered quietly to Robeiae and Kathy Rhyme who were sitting with her. “Have you seen William? I know he wouldn’t pass up a chance to participate in a poetry slam. I’m sure he told me he was going to sign up for this.”

“I have no idea. No one ever tells me anything’, said Robeiae.

“Yes we do tell you, you just don’t listen. Look, here come Nique Zoolio and Ray. Maybe they’ll know something. Ray and William were going to get together last night to try and brush up for a class they’re taking.”

“What class is that, Kathy?” Jill said as she signaled their waitress for another round.

Nique and Ray reached the table at the same time as the waitress. “Are you married?” Nique asked.

“Nique!” chorused his friends.

“Give it a rest, Nique”, said Ray. The waitress took their orders and hurried away. She looked back over her shoulder to make sure Nique wasn’t following her.

“Ray, what’s the name of that class you and William are taking tomorrow? Dialogue something or other isn’t it?” Kathy asked.

“Writing Exciting Prose Through the Use of Dialogue Tags”, but I don’t think William is going to make it.”

“What? Why not?” Jill asked.

“Ssh. I’ll tell you in a minute. Bill Brokenfingers is up next. I want to hear his poem’, whispered Ray. The group fell silent and watched expectantly as their friend took the stage; except Robeiae, he was busy scanning the room for their waitress hoping to snag another bowl of peanuts before the slam progressed much further.

Bill stepped to the mike and paused. He was wearing a neon pink sweater and matching beret. Black Ray Bans covered his eyes. He reminded Nique of one of the Blues Brothers. Sort of the same, yet different. Bill’s black jeans were tucked into black hiking boots. He held a black cigarette holder in one hand and his poem in the other. He took a deep breath, exhaled and began.

“The Ballad of Nogun Shogun”
by Bill Brokenfingers”

“Suddenly they were attacked by ninjas
No armor could protect their souls
No sword or shield could parry there
Their bodies filled with holes.

When the attack was over
The corpses laid to rest
The ninjas hurt them further
saying, 'Mama always loved me best'.

So when you're out there warring
Remember what's been said
It ain't over til it's over
And the ninjas have your head."


Bill tapped an imaginary ash from his unlit cigarette as he finished. He left the stage to a hearty round of applause. The room looked as if it were filled with fireflies as his friends and fans flicked their Bics in appreciation.

“Damn. I didn’t think people did that any more”, said Robeiae around a mouthful of peanuts. “It’s good to see that all the old customs haven’t died.”

“So come on, Ray, tell us where William went”, pleaded Jill. “Has something happened to him? Don’t tell me that ambulance I saw today was for him.”

“No, it wasn’t for him, Jill. Look, Bill’s on his way over. He should be here when I tell you this.” As Bill made his way around the crowded room, Susie Sherry234 took the stage with JAlpha for a duet reading of their beat poem, ‘Lies’. Susie started out with the first line:
You say you love me
JAlpha replied: It’s a lie
But you try to control me
It’s a lie
You try to disown me from my own soul
It’s a lie
Because your heart is black
It’s a lie
You can’t come back
It’s a lie
When I touch your face
It’s a lie
So I’m writing you off
It’s a lie
Like a bad debt paid
It’s a lie
The blood on my hands
It’s a lie
It makes me understand
It’s a lie
You’re good and gone
It’s a lie
Goodbye, sucker, die

There were several loud whistles from the audience. “Right on, sisters!” somebody yelled. “Tell it like it is girlfriend”, a different voice called. Susie and JAlpha locked their arms around each other’s waist and made a perfect tandem bow. JAlpha blew the audience a kiss and the two went lightly down the steps and back to their table.

“Man, that felt good”, said Susie. “That was almost as much fun as the actual event!”

By this time, Bill had made it around the room to join the others waiting for him at their table. “Okay, Raymond Maestrowork, give! Tell us what happened to William” Jill said. “Or else.”

“Oh, man”, Bill said, “You mean you didn’t hear about it?”

“No”, said Jill. “Will one of you please get on with it? I’m dying over here already.”

“Well”, Ray began, “You know a bunch of us went for a balloon ride this morning, right? Well, the balloon carrying William, Unique, Neuro, and SC disappeared.”

”What do you mean disappeared?” Jill asked
.
“Yeah, Ray how does something that big just disappear?” asked Kathy.

“Well, the really weird thing about it”, said Bill, picking up where Ray left off, “Is that our balloon had a 6” tear in the envelope. We never even got off the ground. The chase driver was waiting for us to lift off before he started to follow. When two balloons lift together like that, they try to stay within visual distance of each other. By the time we figured out why our envelope wouldn’t completely fill, the others were floating out of sight.”

“Oh, my God”, said Jill, “So where are they? What happened to them?”

“We don’t know”, said Ray. “Lola Peaches was so upset we came back to the hotel just as soon as we helped Jackie get the gear stowed away. She tried to call them on the radio from the time we left the field until we pulled up at the hotel. I don’t know what their procedure is for something like this.”

“Certainly the woman must have contacted the authorities by now”, said Robeiae. “Those rides only last a few hours at the most."

“Don’t those buggers have some sort of GPS or tracking device in them?” Nique asked. He had been silently watching Robeiae devouring peanuts. He wondered how many times the waitress would refill the bowl before she cut Robeiae off from getting any more. Being a smart aleck bartender himself and having a one track mind, Nique idly wondered if the waitress would show him where she kept the nuts if he offered to show her where he kept his.

“He did what?” Jill called out loudly. Nique’s thoughts were abruptly pulled back to the table. “How could anyone possibly think William could do such a thing?” Jill asked. Her cheeks flamed as she realized most of the people in the Black Cock were staring in her direction.

Fortunately, Folklore Fanatic chose that moment to take the stage and make the following announcement, “Folks, we’re at the halfway point of this evening’s
extravaganza. Now’s the time to stretch your legs, check those voice mail messages and perhaps try another variety of our wonderful local brew courtesy of Mead-Herrings Microbrewery of Asheville. We’ll take a short intermission and be back in 15 minutes. Please remember to switch those phones back to vibrate; we’d hate to have you miss out on any cheap thrills.” Jill fanned her face with a program, thankful that the attention of the rest of the audience was diverted from her.

“I don’t care what Detective McAllister says, Ray. William would never do such a thing. Why, he barely knew Sage. Why would he try to kill her?” Jill shook her head, “I don’t believe it.”

“I don’t know, Jill. He must have some reason for suspecting William.” Ray handed Robeiae a peanut that had fallen on the table. Kathy gave Rob a sharp poke in the ribs with her elbow. “That’s the fifth bowl of peanuts that you’ve eaten, Rob. Why don’t you share some with the rest of us?” Robeiae offered her the peanut Ray had handed him. Kathy crossed her arms and shook her head, “You’re the limit, Rob, you know that? You’re the absolute limit.”
“Here Rob, I’ll take it”, said Nique. He took the peanut from Robeiae and popped it in his mouth. “Hey, you rubbed off all the salt.” Nique took it out of his mouth and handed it back to Rob. Rob popped it in his mouth and followed it with a few more from the bowl on the table.

“Rob, you are disgusting. I don’t know why I put up with you sometimes”, Kathy said in a huff.
“Because I’m the Emperor of Wyoming?” Robeiae asked.
“I don’t think that’s it.”
“Then it must be because I’m so cute and full of intelligent insights”, he said.
“I don’t think that’s it either.”

Colorizing the Classics

“Are you sure your mother’s coming Allykida?” Barb Batyler asked the young woman standing in front of the door to the Hoover Suite Conference room.

“Oh, yes”, replied Allykida, “She just popped upstairs to help Kitahoshi get the dinosaur doo off her shoes. It seems as though she’s stepped in it again. Mother wouldn’t miss this class for the world. It’s very select; there were only twelve seats and it’s only offered twice during the whole conference.”

“I know. My good friend Nancy Wills is the instructor. I hope she doesn’t call on me all the time just because she knows my name.” said Barb.

“Would she do that?” Ally asked.

“You never can tell with Nancy. She knows I’m a dominatrix for hire in my spare time and it never fails that she manages to introduce me that way; especially when it’s sure to raise the most eyebrows. She did it to me at her family reunion when she introduced me to her uncle the Monsignor. The man followed me around for hours. I was never sure if he wanted to convert me or hire me.” Barb shook her head at the memory.

“Good grief; that sounds horribly embarrassing”, said Allykida. “What did you do?”

“I managed to slip away when he was asked to say the blessing. I was afraid I was going to have to eat my dinner in the kids’ tree house. Fortunately, he was cornered by a trio of maiden aunts and I left before he caught up with me again.”

“Saved by Grace," said Ally.

“You can say that again’, Barb agreed. Why don’t we go in and sit down. That way we can make sure we’re all together. Are you sure your mom knows which room the class is in?”

“Oh, you know the mother creature”, said Allykida as she opened the door. “She had this whole place mapped out before we even unpacked the luggage. She got a map of the hotel from the concierge when we checked in. She went after it with a highlighter and had the class schedules all penned in before we went to dinner.”

“Well, you mother is a highly organized individual, Ally. Wow, get a load of this place’, Barb said as she stepped into the room. “I feel like I’m stepping into the boardroom of the Starship Enterprise.”

“Beam me up, Scotty”, giggled Ally. “The Queen of the Flying Purple Prose Monkeys has arrived!”

“You should feel right at home in this class”, said Barb. “Coloring the Classics is a popular class at USC.” As Ally and Barb sat down at the blue Lucite table, the door opened and Ruth Yeshanu stepped in followed by Kitahoshi.

“I’m not sitting next to you, Monkey Girl”, said Kitahoshi. “That wasn’t very nice of you to let me step in that. You could have warned me.”

Ally put her fingers in her ears, stuck out her tongue and made a face at Kitahoshi. “You deserved it. You ate the last blueberry muffin at breakfast.”

“I didn’t know it was the last one”, said Kita. “How was I supposed to know that? Say, these chairs are comfy”, she said as she sat down across the table from Ally. “I like this blue leather and this high back. We need some like this for our dorm room. I feel like a powerful executive sitting here.”

“Well, you don’t look like one”, Ally told her. “You still look like a royal subject of the Queen of the Purple Prose Monkeys.”

“It’s my turn to be Queen,” Kita complained. “You got to be Queen last week.” Ally made another face at her.

“Hello, everybody”, said Maryn as she walked in with BradyH. “I’ve brought the King of the BVD’s with me to get his collection colorized.” They took seats across from each other at the head of the table next to the video screen. Maryn and Brady were followed by Allen Parker, Capt. Canard, and PA Sockpuppet. Allen sat down next to Kitahoshi with Capt. Canard to his left. PA Sockpuppet took a seat next to Ruth on the other side of the table. At the last moment, the door opened and Aruna and Carole walked in. Carole was saying, “I like it; it’s purple enough, but it’s just a tad too spirally. I feel like I’m wearing a bowl of pasta on my head sometimes.” Carole had dyed her hair again. This time it was a deep royal purple. Pam elDragon followed Carole into the room. Every once in a while she would pull one of Carole’s purple curls and watch it stretch past her belt and bounce back up to touch her shoulders. It was like playing with purple slinkies.

As the class settled into their seats the instructor stepped out from behind the video screen and sat down at the head of the table. Brady and Maryn were to her left and right at the head of the table. Carole and Aruna were at the foot of the table facing her with their backs to the door.

“Greetings, class. I’m Nancy Wills and I’ll be your instructor/facilitator for the next two hours. Welcome to the future – your future. As we colorize the classics, I hope you’ll gain new insights into your writing as we examine the classics of the past.” Nancy pushed a button on the control panel under the edge of the table near her right hand. A holographic image of two sheets of paper appeared on the table top in front of each person.

“Each of you will see on the left a copy of a passage of work from a famous author. On the right, you’ll see what appears to be a blank sheet of paper.” Nancy handed a box to Brady. “I’m sending a box around the table. Each of you should take a stylus from the box. This stylus will allow you to write directly on the table top. Your words will be digitally stored on a CD that you can take home with you at the end of the conference. Please don’t write on the table top with anything other than the stylus. Hotel management insisted I stress this point. This is state of the art technology and this is one of the few conference centers in the world to offer this.”

“Our objective in this class is to take a passage from a novel that has withstood the test of time and make it your own. Hence the name ‘Colorize the Classics’. You can add to, subtract from, multiply or divide characters; keep nothing but the characters and the theme; in short, you may do anything you like to make the story your own. Just remember – sooner or later everyone breaks one of the universal constants. The only one you are not allowed to break is this: Don’t write on the table with anything other than the stylus.”

”Fantastic! This is so darn cool”, said Pam elDragon. “I am so glad I signed up for this.”

Alan Parker looked at his passage. The computer had assigned him, The Nun’s Story. “Psh’, he said, “I hate being a nun. I wanted to be a pirate!”

“Don’t feel bad, Alan. I got Hemingway’s The Snows of Kilimanjaro, said Aruna. “And I wanted to be a pirate, too!”

“At least you have room to colorize, Aruna. Hemingway wrote like he was drawing stick figures. There’s nary a spare adjective to be found in his work."

"I’ve drawn Faulkner’s The Unvanquished. What am I going to do with all those ellipses, adjectives, and semicolons? How am I supposed to imagine myself as a white male from the Southern United States? I’m a Canadian female and decades younger to boot. That old coot was dead 25 years before I was even born”, groused Kitahoshi.

Allykida laughed at her friend’s distress. “Ha ha, Kitahoshi. I got Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. Better luck next time!” Kita flipped Ally the bird across the table and hoped Ruth and Barb didn’t notice.

“Who did you get, Maryn?’ Brady asked.

“Dickens; A Tale of Two Cities. I should be able to get something out of that. How about you? Who did you get, Brady?"

“The Count of Monte Cristo. I don’t remember who wrote it”, he said.

“Tap your stylus on the top of the page. See the little icon that looks like a hat? That will give you a few author stats”, said Maryn.

“Oh, Alexandre Dumas, it says. It’s funny how I remember the title but not the name of the author.”

“That’s just one of the sad facts of history, Brady. Not all authors end up being a household name even if their works are remembered. I’m sure it will happen to some of us, too. We can’t all be famous. Maryn sighed and pondered her selection. She sighed again. “I wish I had gotten A Christmas Carol. It has a better plot.”

“Oh, no’, said Carole, “I’ve drawn The Jungle by Upton Sinclair. I read that when I was in high school. What a total yawn that was.”

“Well, you can colorize it, Carole’, Pam told her. “Get it to match your hair. Maybe it’ll be an improvement.”

“Well it can’t make it any worse, that’s for sure’, Carole agreed. “Who did you get, Pam?”

“It’s fantastic. I can’t believe how fantastic it is. I’ve got CS Lewis, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. “What about you?” Pam said as she turned to Captain Canard who was sitting on her right. “Don’t you want to share? Or do you want it to be a surprise?”

“Yeah, buddy, how about it. Why the blank look?”asked PA Sockpuppet. Captain Canard looked up from his passage. He locked eyes with Ruth who was sitting across the table from him. “What is it Captain? Is something wrong?” she asked him.

“I’ve drawn The Art of War by Sun Tzu”, he said.

“Fantastic”, said Pam. “That ought to be fun.”

“Sure, you could do that. Lots of battles and stuff like that”, Carole agreed. Her purple curls bounced like springs when she nodded.

“I’m a Quaker”, replied Captain Canard.

“Oh, my”, said Ruth, “That is awkward, isn’t it? I’m a Unitarian”, she said. “Why don’t we switch? Is that allowed?” she asked the instructor.

“Usually not’, said Nancy, “But in this case I think we can make an exception. By the way, who are you giving up, Ruth, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Oh, it’s Totem and Taboo by Freud”, she said as she took her new seat between Pam and Allen. Captain Canard sat down looking pale.

“Cheer up, bucko”, PA Sockpuppet said as he clapped him on the shoulder. “It could have been worse. You could have ended up a pirate!”

“Who did you get the, Mr. Sockpuppet? H.G. Wells War of the Worlds?”

“Oh, no. Nothing so grand as that. I have Poor Richards Almanac. Poor old Ben. He’d be rolling in his grave if he knew the allegory I have planned for it.” The PA Sockpuppet chortled with glee. His beady black eyes gleamed like polished buttons as he clapped his padded hands together in his excitement.

“That leaves me, I guess”, said Barb.

“Well, who is it, Barb? Aren’t you going to tell us?” Ally asked her. Barb covered her eyes with her hand. She knew she’d never be able to live this down. Someone, probably several someones were always going to remind her of this moment. She could only hope her friend Ruth and Kita and Ally would forget to mention it over the internet.
“I drew Desiderius Erasmus”, said Barb.

“Who?” asked Carole. “I’ve never heard of him.” Brady and Maryn exchanged blank looks and shrugged. They hadn’t heard of him either. Ruth burst out laughing and Barb blushed crimson. The darker she blushed, the harder Ruth laughed.

“Mother, what on earth is so funny? What are you laughing about? Who is this Erasermus fellow, anyway?” Ally asked.

“Are you going to tell them or should I?” Ruth asked.

“Oh, all right, then”, said Barb. “The piece I drew is called, The Praise of Folly.”

“Fantastic”, said Pam. “What’s it about? Why is it so funny?”

“Oh, that’s not what’s funny”, said Ruth. “What’s funny is when we graduated from school, Barb’s mother asked her what she planned to do with her degree. When Barb told her mother she planned to be a writer, her mother screamed, ‘That’s sheer folly, Barbara! And she fainted dead away right there in the middle of the graduation crowd. They had to call an ambulance to come and carry her away she was so distraught.” Ruth started laughing again.

“Ever since then”, Barb said, “Every time one of us screws up, the other one shrieks, ‘That’s folly!’ My poor mother; toes up on the lawn in front of our entire graduating class. I don’t think we’ll ever forget that.”

“I don’t think your mother will either, Barb”, said Ruth. “She still gives me the evil eye when she sees me. She acts like it was my fault you decided to be a writer. I never could convince her it was the other way around.”

“How come I never heard this story before?” Ally asked.

“We mother creatures do keep some secrets, young one. That’s all you need to know.”

“You are so, so right, Madame Ruth”, said Nancy as she stood up from the head of the table. “Is everyone satisfied with their passages now?” She glanced around the table. Everyone held a stylus and looked expectant. They were ready to write. “Good, if you are all ready to proceed, I’m going to leave the room briefly to answer a call. At the end of 45 minutes I’ll call a short break for 15 minutes. When we come back from break, we’ll write for another 20 minutes and for the last 20 to 30 minutes or so we can share our work. Now, if you all will excuse me, I’ll be back with you shortly. Nancy ducked behind the screen and left the room.

“Psst, Brady”, hissed Maryn.

“Huh?” Brady looked up from the desk top image in front of him. He had been randomly poking the holo-image in front of him. It looked and behaved like pooled oil under his stylus. He liked watching the pretty colors form and reform under his stylus as he poked it. Sometimes he could even get the dots to connect. He had forgotten there would be a digital copy on CD of his random pokings all over his cyber paper.

“There’s something strange going on, Brady.”

”What do you mean?” Brady asked.

“I mean that the instructor took off mighty fast for a phone call. I think there’s something going on around here that the management doesn’t want us to know about.”